ann of april

Little DIY: create mindful journal with me & what benefits mindful morning routine gives you

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  • Friday, 8 March 2019

I wished to create a separate mindful journal already in February but decided to wait until March, however, it doesn't matter whenever to start 'cause I'm going to use it and further too after this month.

To create a mindful journal you need:

1. Pretty A4 notebook from your local store *
2. Kraft paper for the front label (or any your fave kind of paper);
3. Scissors, glue stick;
4. Black and white pens, pencil and eraser.
*(or A5 if it's more convenient for you, I'm going to fill it up at home so a bigger format doesn't bother me, besides it has more place for all written segments so you can see your day at once and on one page)

These pics speak itself so it won't be hard to make own journal (if you don't want to create it from scratch).
The journal is done but not the beautiful cover does really matter. A mindful journal can be a simple but powerful instrument to control own mindfulness (not living in autopilot mode) during the day (especially if to add the night routine too).

I've decided to divide the page into two sections. On the left is a segment for my morning routine, an area for the night one is on the right. I think it is good to look through your old notes from time to time for reflecting and learning (but identifying meaningful information from my trash journal can be hard sometimes so I've decided to take more tidy notes for this reason too).

I understand that this DIY is fairly short and simple so I'd like to pay a bit more attention to the mindful morning routine. And what benefits it has given me after one-month following this routine (every day without falling out).

My mindful morning routine includes:

1. Exercise (quick home workout or short yoga sesh)
2. Meditation
3. Visualization
4. Gratitude list
5. Daily intentions
6. Journaling (depends on days, sometimes I just skip this step)
7. Book (at least a couple of pages)
8. Adjust my plan for the day

I do this routine exactly in this order 'cause this doesn't stress my mind after it's become my habit and I don't have to wonder what I should do next. But of course, you should follow own morning routine which suits you in the first place.


☆ It's still hard to make myself workout in spare time so exercising in the morning covers my night feeling of guilt haha
As it includes the gratitude segment (5 things I'm grateful for) it gives me a more optimistic view on my life.

This routine builds some sort of discipline (you can accomplish a bunch of meaningful things for our mind at the hour of waking up! That's amazing, isn't it? You've just waked up and already finished an important daily task. Ticking off is fairly satisfying. And it tunes me in a more productive mood than if I start the day with checking my phone.

Starting the morning without a phone can prevent prolonged procrastination during the day 'cause you start your day productively (with 8 meaningful activities in a bunch!) instead of procrastination with Instagram, for example (of course, it depends but you get it).

You can make some things which you'll hardly accomplish in the evening (reading, exercise, meditation e.g.).  And again it's fairly individual, but in my case, the morning time is the best time for the practice of mindfulness 'cause I have no willpower to accomplish this bunch of things in the night. I'm sure you know this feeling when you're tired you not likely wish to do anything even it's quite enjoyable activities like visualization and meditation, and not time-consuming ones like gratitude list and set intentions. Our mind just doesn't have space and energy for this activity in the evening, so we can't rely on the evening if we didn't finish it in the morning {However this month I want to add mindful night routine for the sake of experiment and tell you later if it suits me and makes any meaningful difference during the day.}

It makes my mind more resilient and optimistic 'cause I'm practising it regularly (every single day) and for pessimistic and anxious mind is the best cure, the whole system of subtle auto-suggestion I would say (I don't use direct auto-suggestion now, however, I've used it during a couple of months before and I can say that it's the first steps toward an optimistic mindset. And I'm grateful that I did it. So, for now, I can easily tune in positive (receiving) mode during my mindful morning routine than before when I didn't use auto-suggestion. It helped me a lot, it convinced my mind that I can get through my negative belief system and deserve things I'm dreaming of (not completely to be honest but I feel I'm close to it). This is the whole journey, you know, and it's lasting the whole life so let's just see it like another stage has finished and another more beautiful chapter of life is starting.)

You learn to visualize so you learn to know what you want.  And I can say that it's a big deal to identify what exactly you want. This practice helps you to become accustomed to your desired life in your imagination day by day so that's slowly will free up space for real things and desires coming into fruition (not immediately but surely).

Let me know what do you think about it? Do you have own mindful morning routine? Does it help you if you're usually struggling with anxiety or depression (or both)?


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Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale

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  • Friday, 8 February 2019

Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale

I'll be honest with you, I was sceptical about all things related the Law of Attraction in case of eternal positivity and so on not so much time ago until I sank into the darkness of depression and apathy at the end of 2018 and lost my sparkle completely. So I was in need to find the source of help out there to start helping myself inside. Have to admit I've read a good bunch of self-help books before, and most of them exactly about the Law of attraction (points of views of different authors of New thought philosophy). But in the end, I was disappointed by this philosophy, so I put aside these books and began to live as I was accustomed to. But the point of necessary changes happens again, so I dived into understanding and learning of this approach to life a bit deeper.

Yes, this collocation sounds pretty cheesy nowadays after a million times chewing on this theme on all social media. But there are hidden insights and ideas which are helpful and practical for everyday usage (not just a beautiful philosophy and pompous words) which have to be shown and discussed. I saw many people who talk about this “law” when they're feeling super inspired and kind of 'above the others' but there's another side of this philosophy which can be used in different mental situations. I'm sure there are lots of supporters and opponents of this philosophy on here and probably you'd like to debate about. And I'm ready to discuss because I have experience and know if I've not achieved something it's only because I was in resistance and self-sabotaging all the time. I'm here for those who're seeking help in this attitude to life and resonating with these thoughts and ideas and. When you're not ok, you can find the help in this philosophy, it's not only for forever exhilarated creatures. Besides I have to admit that exactly New thought philosophy (not in fanatic ways) allows me to start doing what I was even afraid of thinking and visualizing.

It's about how you want to feel, not about the attraction of money and items you want (how it always seems at first glance). But again it's always how you see this concept, and how strong do you want to see something meaningful in there.

Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale annofapril

The main misunderstanding of this philosophy is thinking that you must not feel bad (should be all-time positive, and hence a fake person in our perception). But that's not the true understanding of the main idea, it isn't about it! It's about a self-help and understanding that you can guide your thoughts and emotions to feel better. And you're actually able to start feeling better wherever you're now and whenever you want to start feeling better. You (and I) don't have to stop all negative thoughts once and for all. It's impossible. We just need to be more conscious of our thoughts and "offer more deliberate thoughts" aligning to our inner source. And that's not about fake positivity.

But let's just get to the point.

Emotional guidance scale. The term I've found in a good and practical (yes, it is 'cause there are a bunch of useful exercises which can help you to get back to the alignment again, to be precise 22 exercises) book by Abraham Hicks (Esther and Jerry Hicks). What's the usefulness of the understanding this collocation. It's easiest you can do on the way to feeling better.

There's the scale itself (pg. 114)

Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale annofapril

You can see there is a pretty big range of emotions, and we can experience them on daily basis but the key thing here is we can acknowledge these emotions and guide the course of our thoughts into the direction of our dreams. When we feel bad, depressive, apathetic, we're not in alignment with our inner beings, so we're not in alignment with our authentic desires (dreams). When we feel good, inspired, optimistic and so on, we're in alignment with our dreams and all circumstances work out for us. We allow them to come. Of course, there are various intensity and tones of these emotional set-points, but in general, we understand that this scale is fairly accurate, isn't it?

"Your emotions are absolute indicators of your vibrational content. Therefore, they are the perfect reflection of your current point of attraction. They help you know, in any moment, whether or not you are currently allowing the fulfillment of your desire."
Abraham Hicks
Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale annofapril

What can we do? Be conscious about our mood, our current emotions, our emotional set-points as often during the day as possible. Know that we can get back to the alignment with ourselves by being conscious of our emotions. I feel better when I deliberately notice my mood during the day and if it's not positive at all, I ask myself why I'm not in the alignment with my authenticity and dreams now. And is there the real problem or can I do something to start feeling aligning again? Or I just should shift my attention from bad (lack of something, unfortunate events, fears e.g.) if it's an insignificant or irrational thing as a whole (or significant but there's nothing I can do for now or at all) to the practice of gratitude, for example. We need to exercise our minds as we exercise our bodies, and there are some ways to do that. And I want to share them on my blog too a bit later (my precious finds from great self-help books).

It's all getting simpler and easier when we understand our emotions and their direct connections with the point of attraction and manifestation of our dreams. When we feel bad, we resist, we do not allow good things (ideas, help and so on) to come. In the bottom of our heart, we all want to feel good and want our dreams to come into fruition! So we should start with awareness of our emotions. It's constant work on your mind and there are no shortcuts, and noticing emotions is just the beginning but it's already a meaningful start on the way of a better and healthier life. As we realize that our emotions are "valuable indicators" we will come into the understanding as long as we stay on the bottom of your emotional scale as far we go away from our dreams and disallow them to come true. Emotions are a reflection of our dominant thoughts. It's important to not make a drama, don't exaggerate and don't get into the vicious circle of negative thoughts 'cause there's no way to your dreams. And oh I know how hard it can be.

Besides emotions are perfect indicators which show us that we concentrate on what we don't want, instead of concentrating on the true desire of our inner being. And first of all the desire is FEELING GOOD. And it's not about fake positivity, but I'm sure you understand it without this amount of words I've just written here.

Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale annofapril

You, indeed, remember when your negative thoughts constantly went in circles (as a reaction to a bad situation, for example), they attracted other bad circumstances, so you faced other undesirable situations. That the real reason for the majority of unfortunate and undesirable events, I believe. And mostly we by yourselves let them happen by constant concentrating on the negative unwanted side of life. If your thoughts are all about the dark side of your life so it is your point of attraction, the unwanted point of attraction I would say, for sure. Redirect your thoughts and you redirect your vibration toward desirable things. The little but significant reminder which we have to keep in minds when we fall into negative loops. Do you remember when you stopped and redirected your mind, and chose the better-feeling thoughts, you found relief and sometimes a decision of problem or just everything simply started falling into own place?

"When emotions feel good - whether they are strong or weak - you are allowing the fulfillment of your desire."
Abraham Hicks

You see that it's enough to feel ok to walk in the direction of your desire step by step. We don't have to be an exhilarated psycho to move forward desirable things and feelings. Just be ok. We just need to work on it one day at a time, and that's enough. And it will slowly move us in the desired direction. "Replenish your connection by choosing better-feeling thoughts" (Abraham Hicks). You see the difference between the approaches "try hard to be positive all the time - follow your bliss" (or another approach "be not good as long as you can 'cause you're free to feel everything you can feel", and it can prolong forever, I know it on my own) and this more deliberate and neutral approach. Just better-feeling thoughts. Anyway, you can't trick the vibrational point of attraction by a happy face. And manifestations won't pop up immediately but you'll be able to do things you couldn't do under negative emotions.

And yes, that's kind of impossible to jump from depression to joy and empowerment at once, however, there's the path through "negative" emotions to positive, and anger can be a good sign 'cause your organism pulls you from your depression and desperation by a fit of temper. Yes, you read it correctly. If you start to see anger as an attempt to get out of blue, we start to treat own and others' anger differently. You get the necessary energy for passing other steps to start feeling good. "Right now I am going to find the best-feeling thought that I can. I am going to reach for more relief, more relief, more relief." When you aren't in a positive state of mind, the attitude to thoughts according to the Law of attraction can help you to pull yourself from a powerless or destructive state of mind. "Rage gives you a feeling of relief from depression, grief, despair, fear, guilt, or powerlessness. Revenge gives you a feeling of relief from rage. Anger gives you a feeling of relief from revenge." and so on (other chains of relief you can find in the book itself). Gradually getting better one pace at a time. And that what the Law of attraction is about.

Note: I write this blog post for myself in the first place to build on what has been learned and recollected. And hope it can be helpful for you too.

PS. All images on my blog are pinnable so you can easily pin this blog post on one of your Pinterest board to read it later :)




Misunderstanding of the Law of Attraction & emotional guidance scale

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Plans for the future, upcoming changes, February intentions | Plan with me video

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  • Wednesday, 6 February 2019

I rarely write about my plans online because announcing your plans is quite tricky in any case, you know. And there's always the feeling that I won't finish or accomplish them and they'll turn out just empty words. But in case of process (bujo and journaling in general), I can freely say about my plans 'cause I can't imagine my life without these things. Bullet journaling and journaling itself will be always relevant for me and for my fussing and buzzing mind. If you're an introvert, dreamer and lover of creative activities like me, you understand what I mean. Evidently, if I don't have a journal at my fingertips, I always jot down my thoughts in the notes app on my phone 'cause the feeling of forgetting something important is unbearable for me hah Are you same?
So future plans... there's actually the only one thing I want to change, and that's my approach to bullet journaling, and I want to mix up my planning pages with some types of journaling (recording moments of mindfulness like daily gratitude and capturing random memories, for example). Though I'm going to film PLAN WITH ME series for my youtube channel further and in the same manner as before (though probably I will partially fill up my monthly spreads with you too 'cause series calls  'Plan with me', right? But will see). So I want to change my common approach to making weekly spreads 'cause currently, that's not relevant to my inner feelings about all these journaling things, but I don't want to use many notebooks for different purposes too. Firstly, I have not enough diligence to keep up with several journals. Secondly, I have a little room on my desk and around the area. Thirdly, I want to keep all in one place as the chronicle of my life or something 'cause I have a quite bad memory, especially in case of my personal achievements and good events.
"Nothing happens unless something is moved"
Albert Einstein
And for now, I want to try making my weekly spreads a bit differently. The previous approach already has become a habit but it no longer serves me. Besides I've asked you on my Story what's more inspiring for you and the majority of you prefer filled up pages. So do I for now :) However, I respect any other opinions. Of course, that's not significant changes on a big scale but that's better to live for own health and improvement than imagine that you can save the world from your cold rented flat lol it can create unnecessary pressure. So I prefer fiddling with my insignificant activities.
Also I'd like to share more art related posts and videos ('cause the truth I've hidden from myself just have been discovered) but I'm still struggling with creative blocks and pressure I've put on myself during the years so it'll take time to reveal itself gradually (I know that no one wants to wait, especially in the time of fast clicks and swipes, but I can't force it). What's the truth? The truth that I was resisting to draw and be creative how I can and love to be for many years (before I started taking my social media platforms seriously) and the truth that creativity is one of the most powerful healers for me. So my dream is to create deliberately and freely.

Let me know what do you plan for this month? <3

Also, I'd like to leave my February intentions here too (already as a little tradition around the 7th day of the month, not intentionally though)

PS I've never tried to insert a video in my blog posts for half-year writing on here so today is the day to try something new :))



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Finding inner peace & my little mindset updates and takeaways

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  • Sunday, 13 January 2019

If you read my IG posts and Stories usually (or at least sometimes), you know that I've just coped with a big breakdown in the end of the year which grew strong when my expectations  crushed into reality and my inaction (because of fears and self-doubts). And evidently, I wasn't feeling ok at all. Anxious, apathetic, depressed, uninspired, unhappy, super vulnerable, afraid of losing everything for what I have worked my *ss off for a year and more but still not acted as I should act (just do what I did further and concentrate only on the process). I've already shared a kind of similar blogpost before, the post with my little mindset updates and takeaways in the end of July and the post about creative blocks and some lessons, so for now I'd like to continue my inconsistent series with this blogpost.

So in case of my last breakdown in short, I allowed myself feel really bad ‘cause I had no inner power to be positive. I was miserable, unproductive and disconnected. I cried until I was tired of crying and my head was too sore to continue whining (it was pathetic! not gonna lie hah) and then until crying was naturally replaced by indifference as a normal defense mechanism of my organism. I started listening to inspirational talks on YouTube (in my case) even before the moment of indifference, but resistance was so strong that when I listened to these talks I cried again because I've not got to the point where I could find desirable peace in myself (I was angry at myself and at the fact that I can't do and achieve things which other people do and achieve easily). It took not one day obviously. So I continued to be miserable but listened to inspirational talks to find the guidance of reconnecting with myself. But my inner self  wanted to reconnect too so I think it went even without my conscious acts, it just need some time to break through my sore and broken ego. {I also have the blogpost about how to stop clinging to the past, check it out if you've noticed it in yourself lately + blogpost with productivity tips which I've found helpful for me even more so now}.

Don't want to go in details too much, you know from your own experience that breakdowns and periods of frustration are the undesirable part of our life but sometimes unavoidable, unfortunately. Just know that your inner self (under the cover of your identity which is not your real self, especially if it tortures you, but just mostly a compilation of images and opinions of others), your inner self knows way more than you think, and if you let your inner advisor lead you, I promise, you will feel better, way better. Probably some people live pretty ok and aligned with own identity without an outside guidance, know and follow this truth initially, but my mind always tortures me. So the time for mental resurrection was extremely important (it's ridiculous how often you read about my breakdowns, but I don't know why they are so intensive and frequent last couple of years. Maybe because my life is not illusively stable as I'd like to see it and I still don't do exactly what I'd like to do).

Problems and undesirable circumstances (annoying job, money and relationships problems, another conditional issues etc.) won't go away from your life immediately, but you can drastically diminish the negative impact on you and your mental health just by conscious desire to help yourself and let your inner being lead you. Previously I've already written about it in this way I think, but every time I break through my breakdown I feel it in the other new way than before (probably you've felt the same pretty much in your life), words are the same but different insights are keeping in the mind... words never will be able to explain everything...

The main thing is not to rush. You have enough time, we all have enough time to go through every experience we need to become more mindful and connected with own inner being, with own higher aims. Just ask your life to give you this time to figure out all things you need to figure out. Believe me this is quite possible even if you're a pretty busy person. Mainly, because in these situations only your mental health really matters. We can't live happily and healthy when something wrong with our mental state, right?

Another thing is to be aware of your emotions, when your mood goes down. Ask yourself why it's happened? Could you change your attitude towards events, your activity, actions of others? Is it the right reason to ruin your entire day or even week and more just because of uncontrolled emotions? Or you can shift your attention from negative emotions towards thinking about your dreams by conscious decision? One thoughts displace another ones and we can control the direction of our thoughts if we're conscious about this fact. Just by mindful replacing negative self-talk on positive images and thoughts (I'd like to pay closer attention to this theme in my future blogposts). It's easy if you allow yourself.

How to leap from one breakdown to another breakthrough quicker? I don't know. Let yourself cry, suffer and resist until your ego will broken. And then you'll feel a relief.

How to understand if you've already broken through your identity shell? You'll feel it for sure. You'll be peaceful and slightly inspired (or maybe not slightly). But I've found that the safest and most stable place for my mind is peacefulness (not overdelightful state of mind but not miserable one too, both are super unstable if you know what I mean).

I'm not claiming that for now I'm entirely positive in my thoughts and live in the imaginary world of pink tones, problems disappeared and nothing can bother me, no, not at all, but now it's way easier to stop myself from panicking and negative self-talking just by noticing that and by conscious shifting thoughts towards desirable things or just concentrate on doing what I'm doing in the present moment (because it is the real mindfulness and living in the moment, isn't it).

In moments of panicking I stop negative thoughts and start focusing on my breath. Even if it sounds cheesy, it works effectively (‘cause it's the easiest way to shift your attention from negativity) if you stop resistance (I had this stubbornness too). Sometimes panic can come right in your bed but I focus on my breath again until I start feeling calmer and can fall asleep. And I have to admit I feeling way more peaceful than before (and before I was super anxious every single day). And there's no need to waste your money on super trendy techniques, endless amount of books, courses and gurus’ performances. We already have everything to help ourselves in our minds. Besides you can find helpful information on the Internet for free but be careful, not everything is safe and harmless, think twice before you try something (I feel like I'm your mom right now haha).

Conscious shifting the focus of thoughts on neutral things is the easiest way to train sore anxious mind to be more positive and healthy. And detaching yourself from external sources (like any qualities and quantities which prove your identity).

I honestly don't like preaching style of articles and believe that you able to realize everything you need on your own but I also believe that some words/thoughts can evoke necessary movements/impulses in our consciousness and help to reconnect with your inner being which ‘sleeps’ in your head (not actually sleeps we just don't hear it, not in psycho ways like ghosts are talking with us, of course not, but in the way of spontaneous desires, ideas, insights which you inevitably should realize, and sure that you can do everything you soul/inner being asks). But no words can explain what it's like. So just let's walk around it until it turn into desirable insights...

PS I'm going to write more structured blogposts too, I mean about finding peace, of course. Kind of step by step “how to”, some tips and tricks I'm using currently (to look at this theme from another side, more practical so to say), maybe it will be helpful too. But for this blogpost I didn't want that it turns into too long tiring article. So till the next time, loves!

Hope you're having a good day!


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Goals 2019

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  • Monday, 7 January 2019

New Year goals 2019

It's never too late to check out your previous year goals and set the new ones. But actually I'd like to call them as my new year intentions ‘cause goals should be clear and sometimes strict (and stressful to achieve), and I feel like strict numbers aren't my purpose. I'm a person of feelings so my priority is intentions and how I want to feel this year.

I don't know, guys, how about you, but I like reading blogposts about yearly/monthly goals from time to time. It's like a light kick to start thinking about own ones.  

Since I've set only personal goals for 2018 (and won't share it on here, though there were a couple of completed goals like to create my own blog (in May 2018) and youtube channel in September) I'd like to start with my ‘official’ 2019 intentions right here.

Stop identifying myself with external sources and being too hard on myself

1. Stop identifying myself with numbers on my social media (likes, views, followers etc.). Sometimes it's just too frustrating and embarrassing, especially when you compare yourself with a person who gains everything way easier than you in short time. But as I felt it all and quite intensively I've realized that it's absolutely unworthy. Life is for happiness and mindfulness, not for frustration. And besides, these numbers has nothing in common with my authentic self so it shouldn't identify me, and even frustrate and torture me (and anyone else, it's a false sense to measure everything in our life by numbers but we usually do it, of course)

2. Stop identifying myself with the image of myself I created in my mind, the image I think I should and want to look like in other eyes. It doesn't compare to every opinion about me ('cause all people live in own worlds and have opinions from own perspectives) so why should I try to suggest how I look through others eyes. And try to not look like a loser, for example, when I think I am, and try to held my head high when it's not actually my mental state. It's just absolutely ineffective and unpredictable.

Freedom from own boundaries really opens the way to another side of the river where you're able to be happy and content where you're now (even be aware of contract between, and still desire for more but in subtle ways).

I've often beaten myself up literally for everything the previous year (for the fact that I didn't keep up to complete and achieve what I expected from myself, for the fact that I often surrendered to my fears and self-doubts) but I've decided to stop it. We always say that our intention is to not compare ourselves with others, for example, when we want to grow in personal and professional ways. But the easiest way to stop this comparison is to stop identifying yourself with external sources and even own body. Your inner being can live without it. So do you. And me.

This year I'm not going to be hard on myself in case of desirable habits too, I'm sure all desirable habits can be easily cultivated when I really let them go and start enjoy life where it is.

New Year goals 2019

Be consistent with my social media accounts

I'd like to keep to myself what exact amount of posts and videos I'd like to share a week this year (and numbers don't really matter, the process does matter) and certain online productivity for 2019 but I definitely can say that I want to be more productive and consistent than the previous year. It's hard to admit but I've wasted majority of my 2018 (especially starting from the middle of the year) on bad mood, self-doubts, self-sabotage and frustration (that's why I couldn't achieve desirable things in this state of mind). But my life is only my life and nobody can change it for me. So my preference is the next

Focus on positive pleasant side of life

Focusing on unpleasant things, problems, unlucky circumstances causes only appearing even more unpleasant things in our life so there's no way to concentrate on problems instead of dreams, goals, pleasant activities in 2019.

After the year full of suffering from own mind I've realized that I went too far with my self-sabotaging and self-flagellation. So I've stopped. This. And. Left. It. In. My. Previous. Year. But I don't mind to reflect for a little while even now (‘cause it doesn't touch me anymore) for own sake and probably for helping you somehow but a bit later about it this month. {This theme is eternal and not going anywhere so I have plenty of time to focus a couple of my blogposts on it in the nearest future.}

Everyone knows that life most of the time is how we look at it. Sometimes it's just hard to find inner power to break through this mindset. I don't know is it the real problem (my depressive symptoms and paralyzing anxiety) or just a strong disconnection with own inner being but I know for sure that when the hardest time has gone there is always peace within you which most of us are so longing.

Allow time to rest up properly every night

Another thing I know for sure is a good everyday rest at night (before sleep to be precise) can help me (and you) to keep our  mind positive. I know it from own experience, and it's elementary but we always forget about it.

The most crucial mistake of the year (and my life in general) is to continue working/studying  until the time I go to bed or even pull an all nighter! It doesn't allow my mind to tune in productive vibes for the next day ‘cause I haven't restored my energy and not freed up space for new tasks at all. You go to bed tired and overwhelmed so you wake up the same tired and overwhelmed (or just don't want to get out of your bed at all). The miracle of a good night rest never happens if we don't rest on previous night before actual sleep and don't go to bed in positive state of mind (which is impossible when you're too tired).

Always listen to my intuition

In every small aspects, just be in tune with own inner self. I believe own mind (most undiscovered parts) is the most powerful and wise advisor since you've broken through the skin of your ego (identity). Ohh guys, my egoic skin was pretty tough (and I still not sure if I've got to desirable awareness and mindset already, probably not at all).

There were lots of down time in my 2018. But now I believe that it was the important part of growing, mostly growing of self-awareness. And now I know that I should seek out contentment and possible satisfaction in creative process (it's personal for me, of course, and you have your own life priority), not in results, numbers, destinations etc. There is a lot more peace in these moments when you're fully devoting yourself to the present activities. Just try to hear your actual inner voice, not the voice of your identity.

When you live in huge contrast with other people (money, opportunities, help from different sources, relationships etc.) you realize that you can rely only on yourself and your mindset (which have to be positive to make actual changes in life), angd you must have a huge inner power to push through your life obstacles and see them as lessons, not as stop points. So wish you (and me to be honest) have this inner power to push through all unlucky circumstances and don't give up on your dreams this year too. If you have high aims, you deserve them and can go for them!

Have a happy and peaceful New Year!


New Year goals 2019

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Intentions for November

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  • Wednesday, 7 November 2018


It's officially the New moon phase now (yes, I'm feeling slightly into these moony things hah) so it may be the perfect time to set new intentions for upcoming months.

It may sound quite silly but I've just recently realized that I've always tried to set goals for the month or week but it's not always an easy task and by the way not a pleasant activity for me at all ‘cause I always keep in my mind that fact that not everything depends on me and my actions. And if it's unpredictable in its core it can't be pleasant. And at the same time goals should be clear. Clarity is the most difficult part for me, besides goals in its common understanding aren't effective for me (uncertainty again) in case of planning or maybe I still haven't learned how to set them wisely. So I rather jot down little tasks than set big clear goals which actually make me anxious rather than inspire and motivate. As I've just realized I always have certain intentions in my head and the view of how I want to feel myself and who I am wanting to be. But setting goals ughhh. Anyway, I've realized that I've already set intentions instead of goals for quite long, just didn't understand that.

I would say setting intentions is an amazing replacement for setting goals 'cause these ones make me very anxious. Conversely, intentions resonate with my soul and cover my confusion about inefficiency and impossibility of some goals (similar to traditional new year resolutions like lose weight, read more and so on), calm me down and let me know that I am in the right place already now and I control the whole thing. No one can bother, steal or ruin my intentions like it can be with plans and goals. I'm living for feelings and little moments (wbu?), not for particular things or general achievements (of course, they are necessary but only for living your best life and using own potential with a help of these things, means and opportunities). Big accomplishments feel similar to small things (if even less) so we commonly don't celebrate these moments like they deserve and just go further for new achievements. So why we should put our energy into anxious things which we actually don't celebrate after hard work, when we able to live with ourselves with peace and contentment by setting intentions instead of goals.

Sorry, it was a pretty long introduction for this blog post but I've wanted to explain some things. Anyway here is what I'm all about today. My intentions for November, the last part of 2k18 and upcoming year too.

Yes, I always write about my productivity on here like I am crazy, literally from a post to post, but this time it seems I'm close to finding my ideal schedule for better productivity. And I can be productive already now. And keep up with desirable activities. No need to wait for special opportunities and circumstances. I know it'll take a lot more time that I think to settle this schedule down, and truth be told I'm feeling under the weather lately and very sleepy all the time but it's not the reason to give up on dreams and on maintaining desirable productivity level, right? We're mindful creatures so we can handle it.
No matter that I know my nature is inconsistent and controversial, and I often get bored easily and also can turn my life into a mess, I'm always trying to stick my plan. So it's a new cycle, a new freedom for my mind to get things done. Freedom of understanding that it's entirely up to me and I am actually able to do many things and in the short term too. I just have to plan smart and have a strong belief that I can.

As a common human, I don't know everything and even exactly what I need to know. I feel an urge to absorb more knowledge and be more resourceful to tackle everything I want to.. I objectively have fewer opportunities than many other people and creators too (especially in terms of money) so I have to be resourceful. I always write down sudden ideas... but for now, I intend to bring them into reality instead of only frequent jotting down. I want to soak any useful information about organizing own time depending on life I what to live, about setting intentions to live the life I what to live, about keeping of being in an authentic flow to live the life I what to live, about skills which help me live the life I what to live...

‘cause I'm tired of burnouts and being unmotivated without a reason (actually because of tiredness). And besides, I'm tired of feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed though it's often my fault too. Just need to stop myself in the right place when it needs to not lose my productive pace.

and don't expect overnight success and significant changes in my life in a day. A life in a big hurry mess up all these little moments we live for. And it's obvious that people around don't know what's going on in my head how I'm growing, what I'm intending and how strong is my desire to advance... And it's completely normal I know. I should show it up instead of thinking that people should love my work already before I create something good and consistent. I have to create every single day to advance and only then people may notice me my work. Nothing comes easily and I'm used to it. I intend to cultivate the patience of a saint and just slowly go for desirable things, state of mind and so on. I intend to see a slow growth still as a growth (not a stagnation).

something beautiful instead of anxiety, fears, self-doubts and impatience. These all drain my vital energy but I have to consciously put all my power into a creative cycle to move forward and live healthily.

I often neglect my physical and mental health in the pursuit of quick (or long distant) results and achievements (or desirable life/work conditions). And evidently, it impacts my productivity very badly which I don't wish to impact. And have to admit it's very hard to find the balance and probably all my life is about searching this balance but I want to try, I intend to try it  a g a i n.

Probably these things sound like common New year resolutions but I put into these words different mood. When you intend it's far more likely that you get things done, rather than just you just would like to. I know that it's kind of random post, no one need to read intentions of a stranger but probably it reminds you that intentions are more important and healthier for our mind than big distant goals (which we ought to keep in mind but not fanatically, of course). We're expected to live now and enjoy and fulfil current place and activities (like I am enjoying finishing this blog post).
What do you think about all this?

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Creative blocks and stagnation: how I deal with them

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  • Wednesday, 24 October 2018

It's a shame that I've abandoned my blog for a long time but I wasn't feeling like I want to write on here and I was entirely engaging in learning how to film and edit videos, and improve the quality of content with gears (if it's possible) I've already had (and evidently still learning)…

But now I feel like I want to write :) So, after all, I've realized that my blog is my missing element and I need these three things to express (at least for now) myself creatively. They're an expression in creative actions and moving inspiration (my youtube channel), in still images ~ capturing little moments and my arts (my instagram account), and in words and stories (my blog). After this realization, I see that things started falling into the right places.

But I can say after several summer months of creative burnout and stagnation I've realized that I was doing all things wrong again. Authentic creative flow can't be forced, can be strictly planned (yeah, sometimes it can be, but it won't be effective and impressive). It's always the hardest part of life for people who want to tie own life with creative careers. And yes, it's hard to admit that ideas and realizations of them can't be continuous and unbothered but it is what it is. We often need some time to slow down and look at own work from outside, rest up for a bit finally. We need to stop trying too hard ‘cause all things which we're doing will smell like desperate sh*t. I don't know maybe someone can work on his projects and goals 24/7 like a well-made robot (can't call it authentic creative flow tho) but that's not about me and most of the people on the earth too, I guess.

So after several summer months of burnout, inner stagnation and creative blocks popping up of the woodwork and simultaneous struggling and fighting for my big goals and dreams I've realized

Big goals don't disappear if you slow down for a little while

Everyone needs proper rest after proper work (even after not so good work in your opinion everyone still needs some rest). Ofc it's cheesy obvious but not everyone able to rest rightly (gotta say I have problems with this too). They said good things take time. And I gladly believe in it. You don't disappear if you take some time for preparation and stop showing up for a little. We all need time to step aside from time to time, slow down and gather our energy for further big or small achievements.

Nobody can steal your success and desirable life

Everyone walk on own path. And even if you meet those mean people who'd like to steal something from you (physically or in form of opportunities) I believe that all good people (you and me) will receive another better opportunities ‘cause kind and advancing people can't be actually robbed. Advancing people can create own opportunities even if they're not visible at the first glance, even though the starting point isn't beneficial. Every person feels own growth differently, nobody can steal your growth and your feelings so don't block yourself from developing. And you have all your time to grow as you're able to grow in this life.

Create only what's really inspiring you

Not things which are popular now (it can be coincidental ofc but mainly we should do what we genuinely love). This is the only thing we should do, this is the only things which is important and it isn't selfishness. It's the real unfoldment of initial abilities which we must use in our life to the fullest.
people pleasing hides the real you
Don't believe what you see at the first glance

Many things on social media are kind of fake or very fabricated stuff you know (especially overpopular people and accounts)… it's not just a genuine creative platform. It's a business platform and huge marketing (cheating) playground which not everyone can recognize. I'm not talking about genuine collaboration with brands you love and honest people, I'm talking about cheeky marketing which pops up everywhere. So don't compare your achievements with these people, you haven't known their backgrounds (or partially have known so it's obviously all people have different initial opportunities and we can't know what they do for it. Maybe we're not ready to do those things ‘cause they can be not pleasant at all). But anyway we don't need to talk about that. Just don't let beautiful pictures confuse you, walk your own path.

Don't compare yourself with other's strong points

Of course, not everything and everyone is fake. And we often compare our weak points with strong well-developed (sometimes innate predispositions) trails of real people. It can be hard and I've often crushed into this struggle by myself. But there is the only way out and it is concentrating on your strong points and working on your weak ones if you need it (if you see them you probably really need to pay attention to them more often). Concentating on yourself, not on other people.

Don't watch, read and listen to things which raise your anxiety or increase the feeling of unworthiness

Or you feel like the person who preaching them doesn't have enough competence for that. (Guess somebody can feel like this about me and my posts but it's up to those people and it's normal)

If a person doesn't inspire you to live your best life and use own potential to the fullest or even make you anxious, erase these people from your life (and not only from online life). Don't believe everything you read and watch. It can't suit everybody or even be harmful to you. Everybody must listen to own head, own body and soul. Don't fall for trends and strangers' beliefs. Be relevant only to your real self.

Limit your social media time (for me Instagram is the most harmful)

If you feel you're ready to create something special, step away from social media and concentrate only on your creative process. Don't let disturb your creative flow by vibes of other people. It is amazing to get inspired by others' work in your leisure time, but when you're ready to work on own projects there should be no outside noise 'cause you gonna create something good on your own. Besides well-known fact that social media (especially Instagram) can raise your anxiety level and worsen the feeling of own unworthiness again (particularly when you can't succeed in your desirable field as quick as you see it on social media).

It's actually the truth, good things take time

And some of us need more time to achieve what they want to achieve in comparison of other quicker-succeded people (and I can relate to this too, nothing comes to me easily and I always put a lot of effort into my projects). But I also believe that success of slow-pacing people is more steady so I'm not striving for rapid overnight success, besides I want genuine relationships with my audience and want that someday I will able to chat with you as you're my real friends and we will openly have a conversation here and there (on any platform).

And finally sometimes it isn't stagnation it's just a period of waiting

Waiting the moment when you’ll be fully ready (even though it'll feel like you're ready) to step on your next stair of personal (and professional) growth isn't real stagnation. This is period for preparation your mind to make a leap. And this time always will come to you when it should come.

So little things but so significant for mental health and happy living.

How do you feel about that?

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