2018 / ann of april

Intentions for November

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  • Wednesday, 7 November 2018


It's officially the New moon phase now (yes, I'm feeling slightly into these moony things hah) so it may be the perfect time to set new intentions for upcoming months.

It may sound quite silly but I've just recently realized that I've always tried to set goals for the month or week but it's not always an easy task and by the way not a pleasant activity for me at all ‘cause I always keep in my mind that fact that not everything depends on me and my actions. And if it's unpredictable in its core it can't be pleasant. And at the same time goals should be clear. Clarity is the most difficult part for me, besides goals in its common understanding aren't effective for me (uncertainty again) in case of planning or maybe I still haven't learned how to set them wisely. So I rather jot down little tasks than set big clear goals which actually make me anxious rather than inspire and motivate. As I've just realized I always have certain intentions in my head and the view of how I want to feel myself and who I am wanting to be. But setting goals ughhh. Anyway, I've realized that I've already set intentions instead of goals for quite long, just didn't understand that.

I would say setting intentions is an amazing replacement for setting goals 'cause these ones make me very anxious. Conversely, intentions resonate with my soul and cover my confusion about inefficiency and impossibility of some goals (similar to traditional new year resolutions like lose weight, read more and so on), calm me down and let me know that I am in the right place already now and I control the whole thing. No one can bother, steal or ruin my intentions like it can be with plans and goals. I'm living for feelings and little moments (wbu?), not for particular things or general achievements (of course, they are necessary but only for living your best life and using own potential with a help of these things, means and opportunities). Big accomplishments feel similar to small things (if even less) so we commonly don't celebrate these moments like they deserve and just go further for new achievements. So why we should put our energy into anxious things which we actually don't celebrate after hard work, when we able to live with ourselves with peace and contentment by setting intentions instead of goals.

Sorry, it was a pretty long introduction for this blog post but I've wanted to explain some things. Anyway here is what I'm all about today. My intentions for November, the last part of 2k18 and upcoming year too.

Yes, I always write about my productivity on here like I am crazy, literally from a post to post, but this time it seems I'm close to finding my ideal schedule for better productivity. And I can be productive already now. And keep up with desirable activities. No need to wait for special opportunities and circumstances. I know it'll take a lot more time that I think to settle this schedule down, and truth be told I'm feeling under the weather lately and very sleepy all the time but it's not the reason to give up on dreams and on maintaining desirable productivity level, right? We're mindful creatures so we can handle it.
No matter that I know my nature is inconsistent and controversial, and I often get bored easily and also can turn my life into a mess, I'm always trying to stick my plan. So it's a new cycle, a new freedom for my mind to get things done. Freedom of understanding that it's entirely up to me and I am actually able to do many things and in the short term too. I just have to plan smart and have a strong belief that I can.

As a common human, I don't know everything and even exactly what I need to know. I feel an urge to absorb more knowledge and be more resourceful to tackle everything I want to.. I objectively have fewer opportunities than many other people and creators too (especially in terms of money) so I have to be resourceful. I always write down sudden ideas... but for now, I intend to bring them into reality instead of only frequent jotting down. I want to soak any useful information about organizing own time depending on life I what to live, about setting intentions to live the life I what to live, about keeping of being in an authentic flow to live the life I what to live, about skills which help me live the life I what to live...

‘cause I'm tired of burnouts and being unmotivated without a reason (actually because of tiredness). And besides, I'm tired of feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed though it's often my fault too. Just need to stop myself in the right place when it needs to not lose my productive pace.

and don't expect overnight success and significant changes in my life in a day. A life in a big hurry mess up all these little moments we live for. And it's obvious that people around don't know what's going on in my head how I'm growing, what I'm intending and how strong is my desire to advance... And it's completely normal I know. I should show it up instead of thinking that people should love my work already before I create something good and consistent. I have to create every single day to advance and only then people may notice me my work. Nothing comes easily and I'm used to it. I intend to cultivate the patience of a saint and just slowly go for desirable things, state of mind and so on. I intend to see a slow growth still as a growth (not a stagnation).

something beautiful instead of anxiety, fears, self-doubts and impatience. These all drain my vital energy but I have to consciously put all my power into a creative cycle to move forward and live healthily.

I often neglect my physical and mental health in the pursuit of quick (or long distant) results and achievements (or desirable life/work conditions). And evidently, it impacts my productivity very badly which I don't wish to impact. And have to admit it's very hard to find the balance and probably all my life is about searching this balance but I want to try, I intend to try it  a g a i n.

Probably these things sound like common New year resolutions but I put into these words different mood. When you intend it's far more likely that you get things done, rather than just you just would like to. I know that it's kind of random post, no one need to read intentions of a stranger but probably it reminds you that intentions are more important and healthier for our mind than big distant goals (which we ought to keep in mind but not fanatically, of course). We're expected to live now and enjoy and fulfil current place and activities (like I am enjoying finishing this blog post).
What do you think about all this?

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Creative blocks and stagnation: how I deal with them

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  • Wednesday, 24 October 2018

It's a shame that I've abandoned my blog for a long time but I wasn't feeling like I want to write on here and I was entirely engaging in learning how to film and edit videos, and improve the quality of content with gears (if it's possible) I've already had (and evidently still learning)…

But now I feel like I want to write :) So, after all, I've realized that my blog is my missing element and I need these three things to express (at least for now) myself creatively. They're an expression in creative actions and moving inspiration (my youtube channel), in still images ~ capturing little moments and my arts (my instagram account), and in words and stories (my blog). After this realization, I see that things started falling into the right places.

But I can say after several summer months of creative burnout and stagnation I've realized that I was doing all things wrong again. Authentic creative flow can't be forced, can be strictly planned (yeah, sometimes it can be, but it won't be effective and impressive). It's always the hardest part of life for people who want to tie own life with creative careers. And yes, it's hard to admit that ideas and realizations of them can't be continuous and unbothered but it is what it is. We often need some time to slow down and look at own work from outside, rest up for a bit finally. We need to stop trying too hard ‘cause all things which we're doing will smell like desperate sh*t. I don't know maybe someone can work on his projects and goals 24/7 like a well-made robot (can't call it authentic creative flow tho) but that's not about me and most of the people on the earth too, I guess.

So after several summer months of burnout, inner stagnation and creative blocks popping up of the woodwork and simultaneous struggling and fighting for my big goals and dreams I've realized

Big goals don't disappear if you slow down for a little while

Everyone needs proper rest after proper work (even after not so good work in your opinion everyone still needs some rest). Ofc it's cheesy obvious but not everyone able to rest rightly (gotta say I have problems with this too). They said good things take time. And I gladly believe in it. You don't disappear if you take some time for preparation and stop showing up for a little. We all need time to step aside from time to time, slow down and gather our energy for further big or small achievements.

Nobody can steal your success and desirable life

Everyone walk on own path. And even if you meet those mean people who'd like to steal something from you (physically or in form of opportunities) I believe that all good people (you and me) will receive another better opportunities ‘cause kind and advancing people can't be actually robbed. Advancing people can create own opportunities even if they're not visible at the first glance, even though the starting point isn't beneficial. Every person feels own growth differently, nobody can steal your growth and your feelings so don't block yourself from developing. And you have all your time to grow as you're able to grow in this life.

Create only what's really inspiring you

Not things which are popular now (it can be coincidental ofc but mainly we should do what we genuinely love). This is the only thing we should do, this is the only things which is important and it isn't selfishness. It's the real unfoldment of initial abilities which we must use in our life to the fullest.
people pleasing hides the real you
Don't believe what you see at the first glance

Many things on social media are kind of fake or very fabricated stuff you know (especially overpopular people and accounts)… it's not just a genuine creative platform. It's a business platform and huge marketing (cheating) playground which not everyone can recognize. I'm not talking about genuine collaboration with brands you love and honest people, I'm talking about cheeky marketing which pops up everywhere. So don't compare your achievements with these people, you haven't known their backgrounds (or partially have known so it's obviously all people have different initial opportunities and we can't know what they do for it. Maybe we're not ready to do those things ‘cause they can be not pleasant at all). But anyway we don't need to talk about that. Just don't let beautiful pictures confuse you, walk your own path.

Don't compare yourself with other's strong points

Of course, not everything and everyone is fake. And we often compare our weak points with strong well-developed (sometimes innate predispositions) trails of real people. It can be hard and I've often crushed into this struggle by myself. But there is the only way out and it is concentrating on your strong points and working on your weak ones if you need it (if you see them you probably really need to pay attention to them more often). Concentating on yourself, not on other people.

Don't watch, read and listen to things which raise your anxiety or increase the feeling of unworthiness

Or you feel like the person who preaching them doesn't have enough competence for that. (Guess somebody can feel like this about me and my posts but it's up to those people and it's normal)

If a person doesn't inspire you to live your best life and use own potential to the fullest or even make you anxious, erase these people from your life (and not only from online life). Don't believe everything you read and watch. It can't suit everybody or even be harmful to you. Everybody must listen to own head, own body and soul. Don't fall for trends and strangers' beliefs. Be relevant only to your real self.

Limit your social media time (for me Instagram is the most harmful)

If you feel you're ready to create something special, step away from social media and concentrate only on your creative process. Don't let disturb your creative flow by vibes of other people. It is amazing to get inspired by others' work in your leisure time, but when you're ready to work on own projects there should be no outside noise 'cause you gonna create something good on your own. Besides well-known fact that social media (especially Instagram) can raise your anxiety level and worsen the feeling of own unworthiness again (particularly when you can't succeed in your desirable field as quick as you see it on social media).

It's actually the truth, good things take time

And some of us need more time to achieve what they want to achieve in comparison of other quicker-succeded people (and I can relate to this too, nothing comes to me easily and I always put a lot of effort into my projects). But I also believe that success of slow-pacing people is more steady so I'm not striving for rapid overnight success, besides I want genuine relationships with my audience and want that someday I will able to chat with you as you're my real friends and we will openly have a conversation here and there (on any platform).

And finally sometimes it isn't stagnation it's just a period of waiting

Waiting the moment when you’ll be fully ready (even though it'll feel like you're ready) to step on your next stair of personal (and professional) growth isn't real stagnation. This is period for preparation your mind to make a leap. And this time always will come to you when it should come.

So little things but so significant for mental health and happy living.

How do you feel about that?

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My current morning skincare routine for sensitive acne-prone skin

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  • Friday, 17 August 2018

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August goals

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  • Saturday, 4 August 2018

To be honest, I'm not in the best productive shape now and recently my anxiety was progressing again, and while I'm scared after my last breakdown (I think it was most intensive and long one in my life) so it got worse again. It forces myself to pay thorough attention to every important aspect of my life. I've known some of the reasons for my last breakdown and frustration after several journaling sessions but these reasons are still unsolved no matter that I know, that always holds me back. I have to admit I have a quite negative mind. But August… I want to call this month as the month for self-care (soul, mind and body together). Of course, every month should be full of self-care. But it's personal for me, you see.

Besides, I've started taking a nonbenzodiazepine anxiolytic after my meal to help my brain with handling stresses (still without doctor's prescription). I hope it'll help me in a few weeks so I won't have to go to the doctor ‘cause it has become too hard to be positive lately. It's a threshold of happy healthy sane living so I have to start helping myself on different levels right now.

But back to my monthly goals, they're all based on mental and physical health, you'll see.

Go with a flow and always give myself time

Put all pressure out of me. I need time, I need freedom. I need enjoying my life. You know that the most beautiful (in many aspects) things in the world are created with a creative flow. With a flow from the deepest parts of our soul, from the deepest and most honest parts of our authentic self.
I'm going to post things on here and my Instagram only when I'm ok and in a good mood. I want to channel the right message with positive creative energy. Other things don't even matter. I want to send your only a good message. Less analysing more doing with an authentic current.

Go to bed before 23:00

It's a real tall order for me but I have to do it for my health. I see where it's led (my neglecting and carelessness). Yeah, lack of precious sleep before 24:00 has taken its toll. I want to be on my side and I want to help my body and mind so they'll help my soul to channel everything for what I've put on the earth.

Create even more mindful morning routine

Well-known fact that the morning is the most important part of the day. I was doing already some good things like reading, reciting affirmations, meditation (sometimes). But lack of the persistence and constant randomness of my actions do its work (like I often said I don't like strict schedule, it doesn't work with me, but on the other hand, I need more structure in my life ‘cause it can easily turn into a hot mess, you've seen)

First of all, I want to add yoga into my morning routine, actually, as a first (almost) thing I do in the morning. I was looking at yogi girls for some time lately and bearing this thought in my mind for a month I think… it seems it's the perfect time to start. {I've already started doing anxiety-releasing yoga in the morning and sometimes in the night when I have some spare time, yin yoga if to be more precise}

Secondly, I want to continue my meditation practice. I'm an absolute newbie but I've already loved this pleasant feeling of calming down mind at least for a little while ‘cause I have a buzzing and very anxious mind you know.

Thirdly, recite my affirmations instead of rewriting. It saves my previous time. And besides, I still believe in the power of affirmations (self-suggestion). Of course, when you're just starting self-suggestion practice it's better to write them down for better efficiency and concentration on necessary things but for now I feel that reciting my affirmations is enough for me.

Listen to my inner voice

Not a voice of my fears and doubts, it's voice of misconceptions, not actually my authentic inner voice. Authenticity… I pretty often write about that or think about… ‘cause that's my main point which I'm pursuing now. Make happy my real self. Put my health and authentic desires into priorities (as all people should do it for yourselves).

Create more mindful evening routine

Apart from going to bed before 23:00, I'd like to recite affirmations and meditate in the evening too to keep positive vibes in my mind ‘cause evening is the hardest time to keep myself positive (because of tiredness after a long day). I think it will have a strong influence on my mind ‘cause evenings are always meaningful in terms of the next day. Yoga is a good option too. Just have to give myself time for self-care a bit more.

The next thing is a gratitude journal. Write down at least 3 (better 5) things I'm grateful for every day. Probably, it can be a life-changing habit too.

I choose to concentrate on positive things instead of negative ones as my mind is accustomed to. I choose to concentrate consciously on abundance instead of lack no matter how hard it can seem. It's hard for me but I believe, strong desire and faith in myself and my journey can lead me if I'll surrender and trust this without hesitation.

Love myself with unwavering persistence

I've realized for now at last that without self-love nothing can be done in right way. No positive changes can be created without self-love aligning to my authentic self ‘cause otherwise it's based on fears and wish to satisfy standards of others. I don't say that your inner standards can't coincide with imposed standards sometimes but it's a thin border which I still haven't found yet, obviously.
Concentrate on myself, it's not a selfishness it's the only way I can channel something positive,  inspiring and creative from within. It's about my real inner voice, my true inner self again.

I've realized this is the only meaningful thing on the way of changes. For now, I see why I rarely can maintain my weight, my positive mindset and so on ‘cause it's all about relationships with ourselves. It's an uneasy relationship but pursuing inner harmony is my final goal. Of course, there are always ups and downs but most of the time it should be ups with strong faith and unwavering self-love. For sure, I have so much work to do and it isn't the final stage. It cannot be, evidently. But at least it's the next important stage. Will see where it'll lead.

Find this thin border between calming down the mind and getting things done

These things are quite opposite and it's easy to stuck in one thing like constant doing things (hectic life but without completing stuff) or vice versa calming down, overrelaxing, procrastinating (actually don't get things done either) … Finding this thin line, this balance is quite hard for me to be honest. But I want to change my attitude to that and try to listen to my inner voice and my natural creative flow with a gentle guidance if I start to overdoing some certain things. For me personally, the balance was (and is) always the most desirable and pursuing thing.

Sometimes you're beating your head against the wall like a mad blind dummy but then all of a sudden find the open door just a few steps away.

PS besides I hope my safe anxiolytic will help me soon and I'll able to do all my fave stuff with previous enthusiasm.

Have you set your monthly goals already?


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Little mindset updates and takeaways from my last breakdown

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  • Sunday, 29 July 2018

mindset updates after my last breakdown

For whose who often is on the dark side of own mind and struggling with depressive and panic periods: YOU CAN HANDLE IT ON YOUR OWN if your desire is strong enough, the desire to help yourself (if not, you're definitely in a need of a good doctor, I can't afford it so I've programmed my mind on self-healing ‘cause it's my personal circumstances). Someone says that's not a depression but why so many people aren't aware of own mind conditions which constantly hold them back from desirable things. That's exactly what I said, the difference is only in intensity of attacks and personal genetic predispositions.

The burning desire to get out of the deepest hole of frustration and depression can heal everything.

Some things have been reopened and reconsidered for me again, the things which I've already done and known back in the days but forgotten to revive and revise these simple truths from time to time. How ridiculous to know some things, experience them and suddenly forget!

It's time to gather any positive experience from the past for better and healthier living in the current. It's the only way to use the past for advancements. Remember the best moments of personal growth and gather them together to live the best life. And it's up to you (and me) whether you choose to hold on negative hard events and tough breakdowns or you decide to concentrate on amazing breakthroughs and further improvements. You choose and I choose too, every single day. There's no miserable fortune if we don't create it in our inner realm on our own.

I'm not talking about sudden and prompt physical changes or sudden improvements in my creative work and magical opportunities. I'm talking about these so important and significant improvements in my mindset which let me live better and healthier life than before.

After a couple of vague days, I looked at my life with a new point of view, however, I was close to it already before this breakdown but that's my bad habit (I think) to grow only through a bad experience, I mean through breakdowns, it's still a secret mechanism for me how to grow without any big drama...

I'm glad that I've found the power inside me to cope with this crisis on my own (except for a help of a good book which i've found just in time, in alignment with my inner situation). Time is a miraculous healer. I've given the necessary time myself to recharge my batteries, and my body, mind and soul have thanked me for that.

And I know that everyone can find this visceral power to overcome every obstacles (including inner ones), pangs of frustration and depression and even terrifying panic attacks. Everyone is able to find this power to be a warrior and then a master of own mind (working on that, that's a perpetual process) instead of being a victim. If we really want to help ourselves, we can do everything. The strong desire is the key.

I'm not going to write about my previous experiences with physical problems, about panic attacks or past experience with depression (as I wanted to write it on here a few days before) 'cause all these are in the dead past (remember my post, it's for me too as well). Yes, I was scared of these strong feelings of frustration and disheartening. I was and not wanting to feel it again in this intensity and not going to  concentrate on negativity.

I'm tired of being a victim of my fears, victim of circumstances. So I'm going to extract only positive things which help me grow right now. And everyone should concentrate on a good side of things and delete every bad events for the sake of mental health like you're a person without the past (without sad or disappointing past). Even if it sounds insane, this insanity is way better for you, you'll see that.

Why we go mad with miserable things, when we can go happily crazy with a  positive picture of desirable life and unwavering faith and decisive actions towards our dreams but still living and enjoying the present moment? You see, this is a thin border.

I choose to be a happy fool instead of miserable one (no matter what my stubborn mind said me "you've showed your weakness so be who you showed people, be cohesive in your showing and miserable being" but NO, I'm going to be a happy fool instead).

I can't effectively show and describe my personal experience, evidently 'cause it went through my mind (equal to my little world), everyone has to go through that by himself for own insights. Indeed, I don't say that this is my final stage of self-improvement, of course not. I'm not a blind dummy to claim that I've mastered my mind for a couple of days hah. Obviously, anxiety and hard feelings will come back to me (and very soon, if to be realistic and honest) but that's my choice, suffer from them or search effective ways to cope with them as quick as possible.  

If you feel you want to do something, start it now, it's the best time, you're ready if you know what you want! If you don't know, the best things are to come, just let your subconscious mind shows the things which touch and light up your soul. Trust you authentic self (not your fears) and go down your own path.

I have to admit that I'm afraid of certain things like a normal person but most of them are wrong expectations and assumptions which have led me to huge stresses and last breakdown particularly. But 

DOUBTS kill more dreams than failure ever will. 

So sad that this deep understanding does not always easily come. Fears and doubts are notoriously known as the main enemies of healthy and happy life. But for now I can tell you even if they're the main actual triggers of our breakdowns, panic attacks and depressive periods, we can fight and handle them by awareness and finding personally effective methods to calm ourselves down.

Another great thing is gratitude, I'd like to tell you. Honestly I've just fully realized that. How can I? But that's the real life-changing thing. I've started to notice at least 5 things a day I'm grateful for and that's such a relief for me. This huge stress created by my own mind makes me realize that's enough to take my life for granted. I want to start living the moment. Life is too short to suffer from own mind!

{I think, I will periodically share my mindset updates even further or at least inspiration on the way to better and healthier living.} So stay connected and I sincerely appreciate any your support! Thank you!

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3 worthy podcast episodes about momentum and intuitive living

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  • Thursday, 19 July 2018

3 podcasts about momentum and intuitive living

If you've caught up on my latest blog post about self-love, you know, I'm pretty much into the theme of living in the moment, stop clinging to the past, do my best on the way to my goals and keep the momentum going. Momentum and intuition are my key relevant points for now which I cannot but touch on them. Recently I've come up with a conclusion that I'm actually clinging to my past mistakes during a day and nurturing fear of failures by clinging to the past and being anxious about my future at the same time.

So it's the perfect time to start overcoming doubts and fears with a new wave of energy while I'm consciously detecting them and it's the perfect time to start feeding positive environment instead of negative, upsetting and disheartening one. 

So here is one of the unique ways to create a new positive environment and it's listening to podcasts (if you like me haven't enough positive and supportive people around, podcast hosts can be a good substitute for your real environment in some ways) So here are 3 podcast episodes about momentum and intuition (our authentic inner voice). 

3 podcasts about momentum and intuitive living

Maintaining momentum. Myleik Teele’s podcast
About all these things how to stop living in the past, don't afraid of the future and start living in the present and maintaining momentum. Some practical steps you can find there. 

Don't let your expectations crush your momentum. Make it happen
Her podcasts are focused on creative entrepreneurs but I think it's pretty useful for everyone on here ‘cause we're all guilty of creation expectations of quick results. Yeah, I'm still in process of maintaining the patient and harmonious state of mind and keeping the momentum alive so podcasts are great for brushing up on. Besides her recent episodes are short so it won't be a tall order to listen to them. Easy peasy and valuable at the same time. You can listen to this episode right here. 

What I've learned from living + flowing intuitively for two years. The lively show 
The name of the episode is pretty self-explanatory, you see. Find there benefits of living intuitively. How it impacts on our mind and how it makes our life simpler. Podcasts can help our stubborn mind to tune in the right direction despite the years of living in an unconscious mode, we actually can change it in any time and one of the helpers is listening to podcasts. {This podcast episode is long and  chit chatty one so for quick information turn to first episodes above} Sometimes it demands to relisten to them to make things click (as it's usually happening with great books full of sobering truths) but it's definitely worth it.

Please, share with me your favourite podcast episodes below if you have some!

3 podcasts about momentum and intuitive living
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Self-love: stop clinging to the past

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  • Wednesday, 11 July 2018

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

How often have you caught yourself on permanent self-talk about the past events? How often have you caught yourself thinking about possible outcomes which will never happen? How often have you thought that you should've said differently to the person or you should've not done something which has already happened? We're chewing certain past events again and again in our head. And it can last forever.

At the other end of the spectrum, we can think that there was better in our past. The sky was bluer, the earth was greener. But again that's only our thoughts and emotions we attach to them. Getting nostalgic is no better than dwelling on grudge and resentment (read: clinging to some events from the past).

We don't notice consciously this self-talk, most of the time, and it demands mindful efforts to catch and stop yourself. So here we are to work on our thoughts consciously.

I believe this theme is important on the way to self-love {and I'm going to devote to the self-perception theme not only this one post but the whole series ‘cause it's the relevant point for me, I definitely can relate to this ‘cause I always had issues with self-confidence and self-love, and honestly still working on it but now it's better than it used to be}. So the importance of this theme is evident, you know it on your own.

Dwelling on the past holds us back. We stop growing, stop achieving, we stop enjoying our life ‘cause we're not here, we're in the past, in fact, we're trapped in our head where non-existent events are going over and over again.

But how to stop cling to the past?

Forgive yourself

It's happened already. The past is dead. You're here in the present moment.

The most sobering and clinking thought I've ever read is the thought from the great book (I recommend you to read this book, it's easy to read and full of really sobering truths) The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz & don Jose Ruiz:

Humans carry our past, our history, around with us, and it’s just like we’re carrying a heavy corpse. For some it’s not that heavy, but for the majority of people that corpse is very heavy. And it’s not just heavy; it smells very bad."
So why we stinking up our life by repeating 'mistakes' in our head while we can just learn our lesson and move forward? No one can be your best friend except for you by yourself. No one can make you love and care for yourself, only YOU can do it. So why we make yourselves suffer all our life instead of once when it happened in the past? Why we carry these heavy stinking corpses around?

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

Compassion and understanding

Forgive others. Imagine that other people have their own fears, complexes and inner enemies. How deeply they can be miserable if they did it to you? Forgive them, they suffer from their own mind. You must not suffer from your own, you're a conscious creature, be on your own side!

Of course, fears and complexes aren't excuses for bad behaviour and acting poorly, but at the very least, you understand that they act under the influence of own inner worlds. And sometimes these worlds can be broken and rotten.

Understand that people live in own little worlds and you can do nothing with it until these people will desire to change something on their own. And again you forgive them for yourself, not for being nice with them.

Forget about those events

Most likely you've learned your lesson already. Free up precious space for your new ideas and accomplishments. Why bad people and situations take the best seats in your head and your life? Delete them all as if your mind is a computer 'cause RAM of our mind is limited, unfortunately or fortunately. We cannot waste it on miserable things.

Stop explaining yourself and argue

You do you and better be happy than always try to convince someone of something. It's ungrateful thing 'cause everyone sees life from own perspectives. If someone can relate to your thoughts there's the only explanation that the inner world of this person resonates with your belief system. That's amazing! But you still can't convince anyone if they don't want to be convinced.

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

Stop badmouthing and constant criticism

We often fail to notice when we go little too far with badmouthing other people, especially if they've really hurt us. It often happens when our perspectives on life differ from the perspectives of others.

But remember it's like

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die"
We're all guilty of that in some way. But we all also can get a grip on our thoughts. Isn't it amazing?

Most likely you'll forget it all as time goes on

New events and ideas will force out and replace any past events in your head in any case. So why you still cling to it if they will disappear anyway? If you can start freeing up a place for good opportunities instead of stuck in the past.

My mind has a useful feature, it forgets about bad situations or at least about the details of them quite quickly. But you can train your mind to let go of things. It's like another habit cultivation.

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

You ask where is here about self-love? Everywhere. Forgiveness is one of the ways to self-love. Forgive yourself and your past mistakes and you're halfway to your healthy self-perception. Forgive others and forget about their past behaviour and you're wide open to new opportunities ‘cause you love yourself. We all have bad days and unfortunate events but self-love mustn't be influenced by these things. Loving yourself is unwavering permanent action so you can't be hard on yourself one day and love yourself on another. There are different days and different moods in a day but you must be on your side, not opposite! We're here and now. And this is the best time, this is the only time to live. That's our present.

Have a great day!


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Moodboard: summer vibes

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  • Wednesday, 27 June 2018

moodboard summer vibes, summer visual board

Today post is pure visual inspiration. I used to fill up my journal pages with colourful clippings from magazines when I was in high school and used to get inspired by visual boards which I saw on some of my fave blogs years ago. And while everyone is starting to forget about this type of posts and inspiration, I want to breathe life into moodboards again 'cause, girl, you know how it's important to picturing desirable things on a daily basis.

There are actually two moodboards which I've created today but you can never have too much inspiration! Btw you can follow my Pinterest for additional inspo and ideas. And yes, I'm going to make a series of moodboards on here so stay tuned!

moodboard summer vibes, summer visual board
pictures were found via Pinterest
moodboard summer vibes, summer visual board
via Pinterest too


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Productivity tips: how to stop procrastinating and underperforming

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  • Thursday, 21 June 2018

productivity tips and tricks, how to stop procrastinating, annofapril.com

There are quite a few factors which can stop us from being productive, but we shouldn't give up 'cause if we have a strong desire, we can work on our weaknesses, stop procrastinating and prevent underperforming. I am personally a very controversial type of person. I love to plan and be organized, but at the same time I don't like boring routines and scrupulous planning, they drive me crazy, so from time to time I love to be spontaneous. But as I've mentioned in my previous posts, I don't like wasting my summer (and other seasons too haha) on idleness 'cause it's hot, or sunny so better go for a walk and blablabla. I'm going to spend this time on personal growth as efficiently as possible. Are you with me? Why we want to be productive? I ask myself... And the only one answer pops up in my head: we want to keep up with all things which are really  o u r  things, which fill us with passion and happiness and make our eyes shine with joy. Keep up not only with other everyday boring duties. I think this theme is always relevant so I'm excited to sort through it with you. As I said there are quite a few important factors which impact on our productivity but less talking, more to the point.

01. Right daily regimen 

We often indulge our unproductive habits like sleep till noon (if it possible) or go to bed later than it's expected for efficient resting up and so on. And you know, these habits can be a real pain in the ass so we should control our bad habits, of course, if we really need and want it. I believe I'm a morning person. And believe everyone can be any type of person he wants (another theme for a future post). Of course, when it's necessary, I can work in the middle of the night, but it doesn't affect properly on my mind 'cause I will try to wake up earlier as usual but won't operate effectively during this day. Someone, I guess, is able to live in this regimen, but I don't and you, perhaps, too. I need a plan, a good, well-designed plan (as it's possible for me) but with opportunities to improvise ('cause I am INFJ and that's my nature so I should turn this feature to advantage). If in short, our organism goes through different energy stages during a day. And we have to acknowledge them to be productive at the right time. Not just desperately try to force yourself functioning as you want 'cause performing in highly energetic periods during a day aren't the same as operating in low energetic ones. That's unavoidable, especially when our organism addicted to caffeine, it can cause energy swings even worse than without caffeinated drinks. So better stick with your natural energy rhythm per one day as it's possible. Of course, there are many many different factors which can cause fatigue but let's stick with our general daily regimen a bit longer. Usually, we feel tiredness (when we don't drink any caffeinated drinks) around lunchtime. It's natural for us if we wake up at 5-7 am.
One way to solve this is to consume a dose of caffeine to keep current productivity level (this should be done before you actually start feeling fatigue as a preventive measure). The other method is to admit that you have these periods within a day and allow you to rest up for a bit longer to accumulate energy for the second part of the day. What can it be, you ask. You can rest up as you prefer, the main thing is not overburdened your mind with informational noise. You also can snooze for a little while if the length of your work break let you do this, but it's optional. In the evening there is another energy sharp drop around 5-6 pm. Commonly it's already time for evening resting activities but if you still should finish some important things in the evening and night (especially your fave and important activities) but already feel tired and sleepy, a short workout sesh will be your rescue (both, cardio or strength training, I prefer a short kind of HIIT cardio sesh 'cause it boosts my energy better and doesn't produce fatigue as it does a hard strength session). This boost of energy helps you to stay focused before the night. Yeah, it looks like an ideal model of life, but these methods are very powerful, seriously, you just give them a try if you haven't yet. Indeed, we have different mental situations from day to day and it depends on various factors again, and it's hard to stick with one perfect way of living, but nobody and nothing can order us to stop the pursuit of better-organized life. I think everyone who ponder about what goals achieving requires, understand that one of these important things is to be productive with your essential tasks at the right time.

productivity tips and tricks, how to stop procrastinating, annofapril.com

02. Working regimen

Everyone must have heard about the Pomodoro technique, I guess, but I want to describe here another technique which suits people who love working/studying in the flow and who able to perform longer than 25 minutes. Understanding of these particular rhythms (I'm here about so-called ultradian rhythm, there are other rhythms but about them next time) can actually help us optimize our daily regimen for maximum efficiency and well being and don't let our activities become counterproductive if we rest up not enough. According to one theory (Rossi), our ideal biological rhythm looks like 90 minutes of activity followed by 20 minutes of rest and it cycles over and over throughout the day. Actually work and break time are up to you, you can play around to find your best way of effective performing (work for 70 minutes, rest for 15 or work for 80 minutes, rest for 10 if you don't need a big break and so on). I suppose I'm not the only one who neglects these rhythms and try to maintain constant performance throughout the day, disregarding our regular need for a break (not to mention afternoon fatigue, read about it above). What can be drawn from that: find your own ideal working regimen, I know by myself that's not an easy deal, but we all know that time-management, efficient applying of energy and concentration are the main components of our productivity.

03. Way of planning

Find your own way of planning and tips and tricks which help you to stay on track. My first tip is habit tracker under constant review on my weekly pages (not a big one for a whole month). I'm drawing spreads in my bujo {check my gram for bujo inspiration} on my own 'cause it helps me find the right way to keep me productive. Yes, sometimes life happens, but most of the time it keeps me on the right path to desirable things. Another important thing is don't overburden yourself within one day. It's better to tick off a few tasks a day (but important ones for your self-growth and dream work) than check off nothing from a long-long list. It happens to me often too when I set too many tasks for one day, I often do different things in those moments, nothing from those lists which, of course, cannot be called as consistent and organized effort. It's chaotic behaviour, success demands perfect self-control. So I've decided to reconsider my approach to planning again. 3 personal and 3 work tasks per day. That's achievable and doesn't overburden if your tasks aren't huge for one day.

04. Power of habits

We're creatures of habits. And we have to benefit from that. Apart from a habit tracker, another trick which helps me a lot with a cultivation of desirable habits is writing them down amongst daily to-dos. How it works? You see these habits every single day in your checking lists and even if you don't accomplish them, your mind already starts working on this and preparing your subconscious mind to acknowledge them as your actual reality. So you will slowly start doing desirable things after your mind will be ready. It's similar to affirmations, you program your mind only on a simpler level than self-suggestion. I prefer to use affirmations for the big goals and the method above for cultivating of desired habits. Of course, development of habits takes time, you know it, but there should be a certain way to help you to grow them, and this way is writing down desirable habits between daily tasks as you can see them every single day, read them and maybe postpone them  e v e r y  single  d a y  until you will be ready to fit them into your working routine. Another thing is so-called keystone habits (habits which related to good productive feelings and positive mindset, this is a workout or reading a good book, or meditation and so on) can actually be this necessary trigger which starts a chain effect and makes you feel productive and inspiring.

productivity tips and tricks, how to stop procrastinating, annofapril.com

05. Eating habits

Think about your eating habits. I've found that I operate better when I'm slightly hungry (or not slightly, in these periods I drink water with bcaa to prevent muscle catabolism, especially if it's a time of fasting during 14-16 hours in the night and morning). Of course, I don't impose you to live this way, but if you've found that you can't do your things properly when eating often or overeating (it can be a real reason of procrastination 'cause your organism is  d i g e s t i n g, it can't release energy for other things you want to do). You ask me why I'm writing it when everybody says 'never not eating'. I answer it's  u p  to  y o u. You may try it and like it, or you may try it and don't. It's your choice and you should make this choice according to your feelings and experience. If you feel fasting makes you productive but other people say that you should eat often, don't listen to these people, they live by their own rules and regimens (and probably they even don't know what suits them better). Our ancestors often fasted 'cause they had to find food firstly and only then to eat, food wasn't laying on shelves of markets within walking distance. My another purpose was to overcome the fear of starvation. I was really afraid of being hungry, that's not normal. Nothing happens to you if you won't eat for a couple of hours or even a day. You ask, what about gaining weight because of big pauses between meals, I said if you control your eating habits during this eating gap (from 12 to 8pm e.g., 8 hours of opportunities to eat), you will lose weight. If not, your weight will maintain 'cause fasting period will diminish bad food impact. But back to productivity with intermittent fasting (that's what it's called). I keep up with much more things than if I eat breakfast just right after waking up or snacking all day long (but I remind you again, I'm drinking water with bcaa, it reduces the bad impact on muscles). So, for now, I forget about constant snacking and my appetite isn't so strong as before (indeed, depends on physical and mental activities during a day) and by the way, fasting saves a lot of time you're spending on meals (and cooking).

06. What else can disturb you

Analyse what else can stop you from being productive. 
Environment. Is it that, you should ask your family to don't disturb and distract you from your work. Find a place where you feel more focused and productive, for everyone it's a different place, I know someone can work in crowded places like cafes, if you're a freelancer, for example. Someone can work only in quiet places. I personally love shifting places from noisy to silent sometimes to challenge myself and step outside my comfort zone.
Self-doubting. Environment impacts on our self-perception, it's obvious and at the same time hidden enemy for our self-image and self-confidence. During the day we often lose a grip on our self-talk which quietly cripples our subconscious mind. This theme requires close attention but it will be a separate post about self-confidence next time (or this blog post will turn into a big story). This theme is definitely relevant at any time so I'll be back to it soon.
Fear of success and imposter syndrome. That's another shade of self-doubting when you feel like you're constantly not enough and you feel like other people can detect that you're a liar. But that's wrong again! It's quite complicated syndrome, I would say. We're always on these stages of inner evolution where we can be in these moments. And we're enough to do what we would like to do and grow professionally and personally. But again I'm going to geek out on this theme next time more closely.
Fear of failure. This fear provokes indecision which leads to unconscious procrastination. This comes from wrong beliefs too. Wrong influence provokes this fear, fear to make a mistake, fear to be bad in the eyes of other people. This fear provokes us to put on the backburner all desirable things and call them as things which aren't worth to try. But that's a false and deceptive feeling. We're just afraid of failure. Most of us learn only from own mistakes, I'm not an exception, but I try to learn from other's lessons too. This fear is needed to detect and work on it until you realize that's nothing wrong with mistakes and failures 'cause they are temporary and you can turn the game around on your will. Failure is only a mediator for our further personal growth.

I'm a natural improviser but still try to stick to the certain organized plan 'cause nothing will be done if I won't plan wisely. I'm not an expert at organizing things but as a habitual procrastinator, I know how important to plan and plan smarter than ever. My mind is always buzzing with ideas and plans, but it's hard to bring them to reality 'cause they are numerous, and it's quite overwhelming. And even harder to gather them to something organized. Of course, I try to jot them down as quickly as possible, but they're still not organized and randomly stockpile on pages of my journal. But I'm working on it every day. And if you're procrastinator and improviser in the depths of your heart as I am, stick to tips and tricks from this post to figure out some important things. We (procrastinators) must have organized plans to apply organized efforts on the way of achieving desirable goals and further development, failing this, we will just drift around without any life purpose, do you agree? We're constantly playing checkers with time so we have to learn how to be productive and organized.


Productivity tips: how to stop procrastinating and underperforming

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the Ordinary affordable skincare for acne-prone skin worth to try

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  • Saturday, 9 June 2018

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

Sometimes to find effective and affordable skincare products is hard and takes a lot of time which we actually don't have. And I'm glad to tell you that I've found these good and budget ones which definitely worth to try. As I said before in my previous post about June goals I'm going to write even more about everything that I'm interested in. And here we go! But let's be straight I can't call myself a skincare junkie (yet lol) but I'm a big admirer of adorable packages (oh these marketing strategies) and moreover worthy effective products. As a person who always had acne-prone skin and uneven complexion I've become concerned about my skin health finally this year 'cause that's enough for me, seriously. Every girl wants to have glowy good-looking skin in her possession. Yes, I'm not a pro in skincare world yet but I've already had experience of using some products and know how my skin can react to them. My first bunch of worthy skincare goodies is quite affordable. And I couldn't be more happy with this fact. It's amazing that almost everyone can afford own full skincare routine, even living on a small income. I'm lucky to order a good bunch of products which suit me well so what are these worth-to-try products? You can find all the information below.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

1. Matrixyl 10% + HA. (here is cheaper one) Matrixyl is considered to be one of the most powerful anti-ageing components. I've ordered this one instead of Hyaluronic acid 'cause it was out of stock and besides Matrixyl has extra anti-ageing properties as I've already mentioned. I apply it on the forehead and undereye areas (where I've already had wrinkles) commonly in the evening after cleanser, before other products. Can't say that it's a superduper magic product for me (though probably it takes more time to see results) but as a additional care of certain areas with fine lines is pretty good.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

2. EUK 134 0.1%. (almost two times cheaper is here) Strong antioxidant. In short, antioxidants prevent free radical damage which means the sun, pollutions, toxins, stress and tobacco cause forming these free radicals and that's unavoidable nowadays, you see. Antioxidants help to diminish this damage, can improve wrinkles, fine lines and dark spots, prevent sun damage and photo-ageing. Apply this one in the morning after a toner (use Pixi one), just a few drops. The consistence reminds me an oil but feels a bit denser so I dab in my skin only a couple of drops for better absorption. I think it can be a good support for skin especially if you live in a big city.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

3. Azelaic acid suspension 10 % (way more cheaper is here, check it out). As an antioxidant, it has clarifying, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties. It has a creamy texture, easy to apply. For now, I apply this one only on areas with breakouts or another problematic zones both am and pm (before that I used it on a full face but 'cause of big consumption I've started to apply it only on areas with breakouts) after water-based treatments, before heavier products. I've found on the Internet that his acid has a miracle influence on sore pimples and inflammations and it actually has, except for hormonal breakouts and reactions on new products, however it increases the speed of fading them away.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

4. Marula oil, virgin cold-pressed. (way cheaper is here too) Become a miracle oil for me. Just like it 'cause it's dry and soaks up quicker and easier ('cause it has a similar consistency to our natural body oils). It perfectly nourishes skin and suits to different skin types (even oily and acne-prone one!) and also protects our skin against environmental damages as a powerful antioxidant. Apply it both am and pm after exfoliating solutions and water-based treatments but that still takes time to sink in as it's an oil. You can't just put it on and immediately go running your errands. This oil also can be used on hair to tame hair frizz, for example. Probably, I have to write about this one a bit more but I just love it at first sight and going to write about this one next time again.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

5. Granactive retinoid 2% emulsion. (cheaper is here) The main target is comedonal acne (for me personally) and uneven tone. It was the most controversial product for me at first. Let me tell you what's happened. After using this one for a couple of weeks my skin started purging a lot, I mean, A LOT. {You can google the difference between purging and breakouts or read this one which I've found earlier} So I quit using it but shouldn't be. Though still don't recommend to start using this emulsion and any other strong treatments before important events 'cause you understand you'll have sore pimples even more than usual. That has an explanation, of course, viz Retinoids accelerate the skin turnover by several times so pimples pop out way quicker. That's awful but worth to wait, believe me. Only if purging continues during a month or month and a half, and if it lasts way more, you should stop using it 'cause it does not suit you, unfortunately. Once I stopped using it 'cause this face in a mirror as I said but later I decided to give it a second try. After a couple of weeks of purging (honestly, I was crying but decided to wait for results) it slowly started to fade away. Retinoids have another good benefit and that is reducing collagen breakdown what means they're pretty effective in anti-ageing strategies. And I've actually noticed that my skin is more plump and healthy when I'm using it. I apply this product in the evening after Matrixyl, before any heavier treatments. But remember while you're using this emulsion skin needs extra hydration and sun protection on top of your common skincare routine.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

6. Rose hip seed oil, organic cold-pressed. (cheaper one) It's rich in linoleic (omega 6) and linolenic (omega 3) acids as well as pro-vitamin A which reduce signs of photo-ageing, treat pigmentation, hydrate and brighten up the skin a bit, tighten pores, fading scars, even out tone. Sounds good, yes? Apply this one in the evening too, after water-based treatments and retinoid, mixed with my fave the Ordinary Marula oil, gently pat it on my skin, two drops of both, yass I love using oils. This oil has a pretty strong odour due to its high omega fatty acid content but it's ok for me. The texture is heavier than Marula oil, this is a minus for me but it's worth to wait for results as you see the list of benefits. Still testing this product but as an accompaniment for Marula oil is definitely worthy.

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

I've found everyday skincare routine as a peculiar ritual which can be used as the right time for short meditation 'cause all these goodies take own time to absorb into the skin and you shouldn't rush at all, just use this time wisely. Sometimes it's hard to find a special time for ourselves during busy days but caring about skin is a perfect excuse to meditate twice a day without any efforts. 

Don't want that this post was long and boring 'cause nobody wants to dig too deeply, I guess. And besides I love reading honest beauty reviews 'cause I don't want to spend my money on rubbish or only on pretty packages (marketing is powerful but actual content is more meaningful). This information is enough to know what, when and where to apply some of the Ordinary skincare products (which I'm using by my own, of course) to treat acne-prone skin. If you have any questions, let me know!

the Ordinary skincare review, annofapril.com, annofapril, aprilannnine

Have you tried already the Ordinary skincare? Any recommendations for acne-prone skin?
{This post includes affiliate links, I'll get some small commission if you buy something. Use these links if you don't mind to support my creative work, thanks!}


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