Self-love: stop clinging to the past / ann of april

Self-love: stop clinging to the past

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

How often have you caught yourself on permanent self-talk about the past events? How often have you caught yourself thinking about possible outcomes which will never happen? How often have you thought that you should've said differently to the person or you should've not done something which has already happened? We're chewing certain past events again and again in our head. And it can last forever.

At the other end of the spectrum, we can think that there was better in our past. The sky was bluer, the earth was greener. But again that's only our thoughts and emotions we attach to them. Getting nostalgic is no better than dwelling on grudge and resentment (read: clinging to some events from the past).

We don't notice consciously this self-talk, most of the time, and it demands mindful efforts to catch and stop yourself. So here we are to work on our thoughts consciously.

I believe this theme is important on the way to self-love {and I'm going to devote to the self-perception theme not only this one post but the whole series ‘cause it's the relevant point for me, I definitely can relate to this ‘cause I always had issues with self-confidence and self-love, and honestly still working on it but now it's better than it used to be}. So the importance of this theme is evident, you know it on your own.

Dwelling on the past holds us back. We stop growing, stop achieving, we stop enjoying our life ‘cause we're not here, we're in the past, in fact, we're trapped in our head where non-existent events are going over and over again.

But how to stop cling to the past?

Forgive yourself

It's happened already. The past is dead. You're here in the present moment.

The most sobering and clinking thought I've ever read is the thought from the great book (I recommend you to read this book, it's easy to read and full of really sobering truths) The Fifth Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz & don Jose Ruiz:

Humans carry our past, our history, around with us, and it’s just like we’re carrying a heavy corpse. For some it’s not that heavy, but for the majority of people that corpse is very heavy. And it’s not just heavy; it smells very bad."
So why we stinking up our life by repeating 'mistakes' in our head while we can just learn our lesson and move forward? No one can be your best friend except for you by yourself. No one can make you love and care for yourself, only YOU can do it. So why we make yourselves suffer all our life instead of once when it happened in the past? Why we carry these heavy stinking corpses around?

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

Compassion and understanding

Forgive others. Imagine that other people have their own fears, complexes and inner enemies. How deeply they can be miserable if they did it to you? Forgive them, they suffer from their own mind. You must not suffer from your own, you're a conscious creature, be on your own side!

Of course, fears and complexes aren't excuses for bad behaviour and acting poorly, but at the very least, you understand that they act under the influence of own inner worlds. And sometimes these worlds can be broken and rotten.

Understand that people live in own little worlds and you can do nothing with it until these people will desire to change something on their own. And again you forgive them for yourself, not for being nice with them.

Forget about those events

Most likely you've learned your lesson already. Free up precious space for your new ideas and accomplishments. Why bad people and situations take the best seats in your head and your life? Delete them all as if your mind is a computer 'cause RAM of our mind is limited, unfortunately or fortunately. We cannot waste it on miserable things.

Stop explaining yourself and argue

You do you and better be happy than always try to convince someone of something. It's ungrateful thing 'cause everyone sees life from own perspectives. If someone can relate to your thoughts there's the only explanation that the inner world of this person resonates with your belief system. That's amazing! But you still can't convince anyone if they don't want to be convinced.

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

Stop badmouthing and constant criticism

We often fail to notice when we go little too far with badmouthing other people, especially if they've really hurt us. It often happens when our perspectives on life differ from the perspectives of others.

But remember it's like

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die"
We're all guilty of that in some way. But we all also can get a grip on our thoughts. Isn't it amazing?

Most likely you'll forget it all as time goes on

New events and ideas will force out and replace any past events in your head in any case. So why you still cling to it if they will disappear anyway? If you can start freeing up a place for good opportunities instead of stuck in the past.

My mind has a useful feature, it forgets about bad situations or at least about the details of them quite quickly. But you can train your mind to let go of things. It's like another habit cultivation.

stop living in the past, can't live in the past

You ask where is here about self-love? Everywhere. Forgiveness is one of the ways to self-love. Forgive yourself and your past mistakes and you're halfway to your healthy self-perception. Forgive others and forget about their past behaviour and you're wide open to new opportunities ‘cause you love yourself. We all have bad days and unfortunate events but self-love mustn't be influenced by these things. Loving yourself is unwavering permanent action so you can't be hard on yourself one day and love yourself on another. There are different days and different moods in a day but you must be on your side, not opposite! We're here and now. And this is the best time, this is the only time to live. That's our present.

Have a great day!


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